I'm a Daddy!

Things went smoothly ... for me at least. Checked in early for an induced labor, epidural cut down the pushing and pain to an hour or two ... horrifying emergence that has scarred me for life ... and all fingers and toes intact.

Once the shock wore off, and I had a few quiet moments with my son, it was truly wonderful. This little guy is so helpless, it's mind boggling. Humans are pitiful little wretches for apparently the first year or so.

Cute as a button. Maybe I'll post some photos later. They say he looks like me. That's a mixed bag, fo' sure.

Baby OC Mike

By this time tomorrow, I'll be a father (assuming no complications).

Crazy.

Too big.

I've got to lose some weight. Not just fat, either, I've decided, but some muscle as well.

Twelve years of weight-lifting has changed me quite a bit. I graduated from High School a trim six feet, one hundred sixty-five pounds. I was actually lighter my senior year than my junior year, as I played a ton of basketball. Then the food, beer, and lengthy weight training started. By the time I finished my freshman year, I was about six one, two hundred pounds. By the end of college, six two, two hundred fifty. Now, after law school and too much lethargy, I must be pushing two seventy. *gulp*.

I looked pretty good at my wedding, in early 2005, but I think that may have wrecked me for two or three years after that. An hour and a half of cardio, less than 1200 calories a day, and no carbs over four months dropped me to about 230, but that was unsustainable. I gained about a pound a day for months after that. It's time to start fresh. My immediate (not New Years' Resolutions):

1)Stop being concerned about pushing big weights. So long as I can squat and bench press 405 pounds, and curl 175, I will be happy.

2)No more beer during the week. I have resolved to do this several times, but now I fucking mean it! Friday at 8:00 until Sunday at 8:00: that's it.

3)Ummm....eat less. I remember fondly when I was absorbing as many calories as I could. No more, I say!

4)Get out and do some shit. This should be easier once the wife isn't fifteen months pregnant (which is how she currently appears).

Replayability (amongst Video Games)

Do people really value this as much as they think they do?

Post age 18, I can only think of ten or so major releases (not arcade-esque titles) I've played through more than once, and about three (Half-Life 2, KOTOR, and Gears of War) I've played through more than twice. Half-Life 2 currently holds a rather unique status: it is the only video game I've played more than once on the same difficultly level (in my adult years). On the rare occasions I replay games it's uniformly to test out a different setting or game mode. I.e., Guitar Hero.

I was kind of startled to realize just how little replaying a game mattered to me. Multiplayer isn't even as important as I would have thought, considering that I've only used it extensively with two or three titles (Halo 3, Rainbow Six: Vegas, and Crimson Skies come to mind) over the last five years.

This topic came to my attention primarily because it's the "big knock" against Bioshock. No multiplayer, most of the "shock" value wears off on a second go-round. But then again, do folks really value replayability?

27 point spread in the NFL??

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7548602?MSNHPHMA

I know the Patriots like to run up the score, and that Belichick hates Mangini with a fiery passion, but 27 points in a league with a salary cap? That's a slap in the face.

It also speaks to something more nefarious: Las Vegas knows that the Patriots are watching. The lines have been strangely high all year -- and the Patriots consistently beat them. That speaks not only to excellence, but awareness. When you have a team/coach who knows the lines and is factoring them into his decisions, it creates a perception problem for the league. If Belichick is doing it, who else might be? While obviously not as damaging as the opposite problem, a team running up the score to beat the spread isn't in anyone's best interests. Except gamblers, perhaps.

Video Game Errata

This has probably been the greatest year for video games, evah.

A rundown of what I'm playing now:

The Orange Box: How can this not win game of the year? Four awesome games, and one good one (Team Fortress 2) in one package? Portal is sublime, and perfect. Also the funniest video game I've played since Secret of Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge ... or maybe Psychonauts.

Call of Duty 4: Epic. Game is too short, though, and I haven't played any multiplayer yet.

Bioshock: Yes! Moody atmospheric, gorgeous, and actually makes you think.

Halo 3: Must I discuss this? The multiplayer is as addictive as ever.

Mass Effect: Probably a quarter of the way through, and savoring every second. There are technical issues, but the scope and grandeur of the plotline and accompanying visual presentation are second to none. Reminds me of KOTOR, in both the awesome, and the not-so-awesome, ways.

Guitar Hero III/Rock Band: GHIII is a cast-iron bitch to play. It's much harder than GHII: basically, medium=hard, hard=expert, etc. But, as fun as ever. The pricing of these games is starting to get a bit out of hand, though. Do we really need Rock Band II or GHIV? I say "nay." Just more downloadable content, please.

Assassin's Creed: See my review, below. Not for everyone, but this game hit every one of my video gaming wheelhouse's: near photorealistic, gorgeous historical settings. Tons of unnecessary bloodshed (sneakiness is for wimps), great animations, and a sci-fi meets philosophy story-line.

Oh, those clever Attorneys

Nothing is more devious than an attorney attempting to avoid sanctions. Particularly discovery sanctions.

What are discovery sanctions? A fine question. In every civil litigation each side sends out deposition notices and/or written questions to the other side. Every once in a while, a deponent doesn't show up, or I don't get responses. After sending a courteous letter, I typically toddle off to the Court and ask for a Motion to Compel (one of my favorite phrases) and monetary sanctions by way of punishment.

As soon as this Motions are filed, I often see one of three or four responses. 1)Can you move the Motion back by a week? I have a conflict. If I do this, I immediately receive a Motion to be relieved of counsel or a substitution of attorney, both of which allow the attorney out of the case: meaning he's off the hook for sanctions.

2)I receive half-assed, unsigned, ridiculously incomplete responses. The attorney then expects me to dismiss the Motion. Not likely.

3)A promise to forward them shortly, if I will just take the Motion off calendar. If I do, see number one, above.

Now I have a new wrinkle. In order to avoid discovery sanctions in an arbitration case, I am convinced that the day before the hearing the Defendant's attorney proposed an offer of settlement. We accepted, and the hearing went off calendar (in fact, the arbitration was dismissed, as within the week we had a near 10K arbitration bill due). Now, the attorney has vanished. I will have to start up arbitration again, or go to the Superior Court that used to be handling the action and try to enforce the settlement.

I remember now why I hate attorneys.

Assassin's Creed: A Video Game espousing Atheism?

Assassin's Creed is a phenomenal game. One of my all-time faves, actually. It's not a game for the impatient, though. It's slow, languorous pace was perfect for my Halo 3, Bioshock, and Orange Box-ed nerves. It's Prince of Persia meets Grand Theft Auto III meets Spider-Man.

The main gripe against the game is that it is repetitive. It is. You basically repeat the same actions. It's the tactics and settings that change. I never got tired of jumping from rooftop to rooftop, and the cities (with no loading times) were an absolute joy. Nothing better than using a throwing knife to take out a guard, than watching as citizens investigate the dead body thrown into their midst. Or climbing a tower and cutting the throat of an inattentive watchman. Beautiful, just beautiful.

The climbing is sublime. I cannot rave enough about how awesome it is to just climb up and look out over a semi-authentic recreation of jerusalem. Of course, the action gets fast and furious, with some amazing chase sequences. You dodge through merchant stalls, fight scores of armed guards, and try to blend in with the crowd to vanish.

The storyline is fantastic. I'm a sucker for sci-fi meets historical drama, and this has it in spades. There is something curious here, however, that I have a feeling turned off many reviewers. The game is blatantly anti-religious. Without giving too much away, I can assure you of the following: Religion is presented as the cause of bloodshed, warfare, and hatred; religious belief is demonstrated to be founded upon illusions fostered by powerful men seeking to control the populace; that death is the end of existence; and that religious leaders will use murder and assassinations to prevent modernity from sweeping the holy land. Edgy stuff.

I'm a pretty lousy assassin, all things considered, but a damn good sword-fighter. I would continuously creep close to enemies, then get impatient and trigger a guard's attention, and finally have to chase my quarry half a mile through the city streets and eventually take on an entire guard station of soldiers. Ugh.

Orange County Property Tax Assessor: Get Cancer

The housing market is an apocalyptic catastrophe. So glad I bought a 2200 square foot home in 2005. Yippee. Thank god I didn't pay anywhere near market value at the time, but at this point I'd be surprised if I could get what even I paid for it, an occurence I never thought was possible.

In any event, I figured there was one silver lining: my property taxes would go down. Right?

Now, the O.C. tax assessors are some clever motherfuckers. After purchasing the property, they re-assessed it way, way, way above the purchase price. I contested, and lost ... they said that because it was a transaction that didn't reflect market value, they could re-assess it.

So what happened? My taxes went up! I almost vomited all over the paperwork. You have the gall to increase my property taxes after six figures in equity has been wiped out thanks to moronic subprime lenders? Unbelievable. I immediately begin paperwork to contest the re-assessment. I am assigned a hearing date. Lo and behold, the hearing date is one day before my assessment is due. This means I basically have to pay the assessment and hope to be refunded. I grit my teeth and sign the check using a combination of rotting seaweed, fecal matter, and chimp urine.

Thankfully I won the appeal. But, it's been nearly two months, and I continue to await my refund check. I want interest, goddamnit.